I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
