Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
