They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
