I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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