K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize