Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
