She's JV to your varsity
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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