God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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