You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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