Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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