I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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