So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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