capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize