oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
