cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
