We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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