I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
