We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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