Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
ttyl tear gas
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
