her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
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