Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
