How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
