Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
