True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
