I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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