I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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