Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
