I just pynch a tree in the face
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
