The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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