i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize