I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
