Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
false alarm, still single
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
