Why does Corona taste like a burp?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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