did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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