A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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