One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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