I must be too annoying 4 u.
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
