I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
