Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
