Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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