I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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