The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
