Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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