my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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