I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
