we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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