So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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