oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize