Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
