just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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