is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize