Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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