were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Pants are for mortals
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
