She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
