Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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