If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
