you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize