Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
