there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
