I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
