I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize