i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
