Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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