he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
