My cat gives me a boner
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
