Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
