She said her name was "party"
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
