i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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