i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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