I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
