You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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